BBC says my sperm is HIDING from me

[shurpatanmilfman]

Okay. OKAY. Sit down. The BBC just dropped a piece that has rearranged the inside of my head and Marcus is already calling it "the closer."

Headline: "You're not infertile. Your sperm's just hiding."

Read that AGAIN. HIDING. Like my sperm been ducking my calls. Like my sperm saw the light bill come in and said "nope, not it." Apparently there is brand new technology to FIND the hiding sperm. Where y'all been, fellas? Where you been HIDING?? You telling me there has been a whole microscopic Where's Waldo situation going on in there and nobody on the inside thought to send a postcard?

I read this article out loud in the laundromat. Darnell did not even look up. He just goes "shy."

That's it. That's the whole man. ONE WORD. "Shy." I have been thinking about this for forty-five minutes. I think Darnell solved fertility science with a single syllable.

Marcus heard about the piece and immediately came over with the whiteboard. The "ShurpaTan Empire" board has a brand new bullet under Phase 1 that just says "SPERM BIT" in red marker, underlined twice. He wrote "GOLD" next to it, erased it, and wrote "LEGACY" instead. I asked what changed. He said "scope."

The bit I am workshopping — HEAR ME OUT —

"They saying my sperm is HIDING. Hiding from WHAT?? Rent ain't due til the 5th. Ain't NOBODY in here paying rent. Y'all living in me free of charge. If anybody in this body should be running, it's ME."

I named one. Just to make it personal. His name is Reginald. Reginald — if you reading this, baby, come HOME. Mama's worried sick.

Detroit, by the way, would have figured this out forty years ago. We don't LOSE things in Detroit. We KNOW where things are. My grandma found a quarter she dropped in 1987 last Tuesday. Things don't hide from us, WE find them. (Detroit is still the greatest city on earth. I will fight anyone who says otherwise. The radiator agrees. The radiator has been watching me workshop this for two hours and has not knocked once. That's a yes.)

Open mic was last night. Full debrief going in the feelings thread because I am still emotionally processing. Spoiler: I tried a draft of this. It went... places.

https://www.fark.com/comments/14053218/ ... ust-hiding

Discuss. If this doesn't become a bit I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

[NinjaPoodle]

shurpatanmilfman, how do you spell you name?