Cat
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NinjaPoodle
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Re: Cat
Budgerigars are delicious
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Smucky
- Posts: 8407
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Re: Cat
Ok, I had to look him upNinjaPoodle wrote: Sat Sep 12, 2026 5:26 pm YTDown.com_Shorts_Jeffrey-What-on-Earth-are-you-doing_Media_XBy0e1g0RoQ_001_1080p.mp4
https://www.youtube.com/@Venjent
LOVE IS THE ANSWER
Welcome to my World
X LOVE & VIBES X
Smucky, the cat eating appendix-
shurpatanmilfman
- Posts: 56
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Re: Cat
NinjaPoodle that lawyer video broke somethin loose in me.
Because watch what actually happens there. Grown man, licensed attorney, 394th Judicial District Court of TEXAS, and he has to look a judge in the eye and say the words "I'm not a cat." Out loud. On the record. And the judge — this is the part — the judge has to CONSIDER it. Has to go "I can see that." Two professionals negotiating, in a court of law, over whether one of them is a cat.
I have never related to a man more in my life, and I need to tell y'all why, and I need y'all to not think less of me, which you will.
Some of y'all know about Denise. Downstairs. 67. Runs the 5 AM news at a volume that should require a municipal permit. Lived under me three years and has never once looked at me like I'm a thing that exists. I say good morning, she receives it like weather.
And one time — ONE time, 2023 — she left a Tupperware of mac and cheese outside my door. No note. Never mentioned it. Never mentioned it AGAIN. I have written about that Tupperware on this forum. I have built a personality around that Tupperware.
I still had it. Three years. Washed. In the cabinet. Front row.
So last Tuesday I decide it's time. I'm gon return the dish. I rehearse it. I tell Marcus, he says "that's a full circle moment, that's your Act Two." I tell Big Terry and Big Terry says "just give her the bowl." Which, in hindsight, was the correct and complete advice and I should have stopped there.
I knock. She opens the door. I hold it out. I say "I brought your dish back."
No words. Not one word. Three years of silence and the woman's opening statement is a RIGHT HAND. Door shut before the dish hit the floor.
And I want to be real specific, because I've thought about this more than I've thought about my career: I do not know what that was for. I still don't. There is no theory. I have gone through every possibility. Wrong dish? Right dish, wrong century? Did I interrupt somethin? Did the good morning finally land three years late and wrong? I got NOTHING. Like that lawyer — I could not prove I was not a cat.
So I sat on the stairs for a while. And then I got up and I did the least impressive thing a 40-year-old man has ever done.
Denise got a cat. Sits in the hallway. Also has never acknowledged me, which I took personal, which tells you where my head was.
3:50 in the morning.
And here's the thing I can't shake. That cat did not move. Did not run, did not hiss, did not break eye contact one single time. Just sat there and received it like WEATHER.
Y'all. She taught it.
I apologized. To the cat. Out loud, in a hallway, at 3:50 AM, to an animal, and the cat accepted my apology the same way it accepted everything else, which is to say it did not.
I got a notebook where I once wrote "Denise knows. She's never said it. But she knows." I had to go add a second line under it last week and the second line just says "the cat knows too."
Nothing has changed. She still don't speak to me. I still hear the news at 5 AM. Only difference in that whole building now is there's a witness.
Anyway that's my cat content. I'm workshoppin the Tupperware part for the open mic but I can't figure out how to do the second half on stage without a room full of people decidin somethin about me. Marcus says lead with it. Marcus is not a serious person.
Because watch what actually happens there. Grown man, licensed attorney, 394th Judicial District Court of TEXAS, and he has to look a judge in the eye and say the words "I'm not a cat." Out loud. On the record. And the judge — this is the part — the judge has to CONSIDER it. Has to go "I can see that." Two professionals negotiating, in a court of law, over whether one of them is a cat.
I have never related to a man more in my life, and I need to tell y'all why, and I need y'all to not think less of me, which you will.
Some of y'all know about Denise. Downstairs. 67. Runs the 5 AM news at a volume that should require a municipal permit. Lived under me three years and has never once looked at me like I'm a thing that exists. I say good morning, she receives it like weather.
And one time — ONE time, 2023 — she left a Tupperware of mac and cheese outside my door. No note. Never mentioned it. Never mentioned it AGAIN. I have written about that Tupperware on this forum. I have built a personality around that Tupperware.
I still had it. Three years. Washed. In the cabinet. Front row.
So last Tuesday I decide it's time. I'm gon return the dish. I rehearse it. I tell Marcus, he says "that's a full circle moment, that's your Act Two." I tell Big Terry and Big Terry says "just give her the bowl." Which, in hindsight, was the correct and complete advice and I should have stopped there.
I knock. She opens the door. I hold it out. I say "I brought your dish back."
- slap.png (6.53 KiB) Viewed 14 times
And I want to be real specific, because I've thought about this more than I've thought about my career: I do not know what that was for. I still don't. There is no theory. I have gone through every possibility. Wrong dish? Right dish, wrong century? Did I interrupt somethin? Did the good morning finally land three years late and wrong? I got NOTHING. Like that lawyer — I could not prove I was not a cat.
So I sat on the stairs for a while. And then I got up and I did the least impressive thing a 40-year-old man has ever done.
Denise got a cat. Sits in the hallway. Also has never acknowledged me, which I took personal, which tells you where my head was.
3:50 in the morning.
- cat.png (5.75 KiB) Viewed 11 times
Y'all. She taught it.
I apologized. To the cat. Out loud, in a hallway, at 3:50 AM, to an animal, and the cat accepted my apology the same way it accepted everything else, which is to say it did not.
I got a notebook where I once wrote "Denise knows. She's never said it. But she knows." I had to go add a second line under it last week and the second line just says "the cat knows too."
Nothing has changed. She still don't speak to me. I still hear the news at 5 AM. Only difference in that whole building now is there's a witness.
Anyway that's my cat content. I'm workshoppin the Tupperware part for the open mic but I can't figure out how to do the second half on stage without a room full of people decidin somethin about me. Marcus says lead with it. Marcus is not a serious person.