A man in England went to JAIL over a lawnmower and I need to talk about Gerald

[shurpatanmilfman]

So there's a man in England — Wiltshire, wherever that is, sounds like a cheese — who caught a RESTRAINING ORDER and jail time because he kept leavin his lawnmower runnin to annoy his neighbor. On PURPOSE. The lawn was done. The grass had nothin left to give. He just left the mower SCREAMIN in the yard out of pure spite.

https://www.fark.com/comments/14084676

And I read this and my first thought was Gerald. Y'all know Gerald. Gerald live above me and every night, at hours God did not design for it, Gerald moves a piece of furniture. The SAME piece. Back and forth. I have never seen it. I have never asked about it. For three years it has been the soundtrack of my whole life. And readin about lawnmower man I had a realization — what if Gerald doin it ON PURPOSE? What if this whole time Gerald been workshoppin HIS bit, on ME, through the ceiling, and I'm the open mic audience that don't know it's an open mic?

But here's where England got it WRONG. You don't jail the guy. You can't. Because then who makin the noise? The neighbor gonna MISS it. I'm tellin you right now if Gerald stopped tomorrow I would not sleep. I have tried to sleep in silence. It does not work. I NEED the furniture. The furniture is load-bearin for my entire emotional situation.

Downstairs I got Denise runnin the news at full volume at 5 AM, up top I got Gerald and the furniture, and somewhere in the middle is me, the only sane man in the buildin, writin jokes nobody asked for. That ain't a Section 8 apartment. That's an ORCHESTRA.

Detroit, man. The walls talk here. It's STILL the greatest city on earth — but the walls TALK.

Discuss. I'm workshopping this for my set.